As many of you know, I love music. There has not been one time in my life that I cannot think of a song or two that could be playing in the background as I endure whatever situation may be going on. I don't know how I remember all the songs, most times it is a certain lyric from a song that perfectly fits something that I am thinking about or trying to express. Yesterday was no different, I found a new song to add to my mental jukebox.
While engaging in my various stages of Corporate Thuggery I found myself listening to my iPod that stays all the way turned up throughout the day. Somewhere between NE Heartbreak and Charlie Last Name Wilson was J. Cole. The song is Autograph off of the Friday Night Lights mixtape and one verse made me stop and think:
"Girl we grown so you gotta play your own position
I wouldn't say that you a hoe, just made a hoe decision"
The background is simple, he was fooling around with a girl who was already married and he had no intentions of "wife-ing" her. After the affair she no longer wanted to be with her husband but J.Cole was never in it to "sweep her away" The verse that I mentioned picks up after her husband forgives her infidelity and takes her back.
Now that you know the story, here is the line of the song that gets me..
"I wouldn't say that you a hoe, you just made a hoe decision" How classic is that. Replace the words "you a hoe" with "you are stupid, ridiculous, foolish" and every other synonymous adjective and the lyric applies to everyone. How many times have you you found yourself caught up in a precarious situation (not just sexual but any situation) and before you know it you have done something of ill repute. Now, along with the act, comes rejection, bitterness, shame, or maybe even retaliation that was all caused by one decision. The good thing is that it does not have to define who you are.
We all make mistakes and regardless of what some people would have you believe, no one walking this earth today has a right to condemn you for those actions. The key is to despise the decision not the person. You are not ruined, a little bruised maybe, embarrased--possibly but life is not over because you did something that you regret the next day. Unless of course it comes with a 'sentence", then I cannot really say how things are going to go from there for you.
I know, it all seems too deep of a thought from a rap song, but it spoke volumes to me. I am not perfect. I have done things, said things and become involved in things that have made absolutely no sense. The only thing that I can do now is face the reality of those decisions, take "my position" and accept responsibility for my actions regardless of the consequences and know that in my heart I am better for it.
For those of you that haven't heard the song..Here is the link:
The Autograph - J. Cole (the verse mentioned is about 2 minutes into the song)
Let me explain further--driving home today, I had my windows down low and my music up high as I was trying to press my way through 5:00 traffic. When I reached 21st Street there was "white stuff" flying around everywhere. At first glance it looked like the stuff off the weeds that you use to blow when you were a kid, but upon further inspection I saw that it was cotton. Fresh off the cotton plant. Before I could really grasp what was happening there was cotton in my car and all over my black shirt. My eyes were starting to burn and itch and I had to roll up the window before one more piece flew in.
As many of you know, I love music. There has not been one time in my life that I cannot think of a song or two that could be playing in the background as I endure whatever situation may be going on. I don't know how I remember all the songs, most times it is a certain lyric from a song that perfectly fits something that I am thinking about or trying to express. Yesterday was no different, I found a new song to add to my mental jukebox.
Do not get me wrong, I love the skin that I am in, but I also know that underneath the skin is too much other stuff that will cause me issues in the long run. I am not ashamed of who I am but I know that the me that I desire to be has her weight under control, her health is in check and she can shop at more places than Lane Bryant and Ashley Stewart.
