So Glad to Finally Meet You....

Last week, I met someone very interesting.  I ran into her in the Cafeteria and at first glance it seemed as if I have known her forever.  We talked a little bit, and shared some things about ourselves that we have never told another soul.  We laughed and we cried and we vowed to never lose touch again.  I cannot believe that after all these years, all the different things that we have went through and all the times we could have ran into each other it finally happened. But, I was glad that it did.

I met my inner fat girl! Now, to understand what I am saying you have to first know that I am a plus sized woman and have been struggling with my weight for about the last 8 years. For some reason though, in the back of my mind I still thought I was not too, too big and since I could still use one seat belt on airplanes I was okay.  I measured my bigness against that of fuller figured people and I would always say "see I am not so bad, I am still smaller than them".

Over the years I have lost weight and dropped multiple sizes for many reasons.  To try and save a relationship, to get in a relationship and other random reasons that had nothing to do with my overall health.  But last week something happened.  My outer fat girl, and my inner fat girl both lined up and decided that enough is enough..something has to be done..Not for no dude (grammatically all wrong I know) not for anyone else but for me, because I am not satisfied with the way that I look.

Do not get me wrong, I love the skin that I am in, but I also know that underneath the skin is too much other stuff that will cause me issues in the long run.  I am not ashamed of who I am but I know that the me that I desire to be has her weight under control, her health is in check and she can shop at more places than Lane Bryant and Ashley Stewart.

I say none of this to condemn you or to make anyone ashamed of who they are.  All I know is that FOR ME - there has to be change, I cannot pretend that I am okay when I go into the mall and pass all the stores that I like but have to keep going because they do not carry my size.  I cannot pretend that all is well when I fold my arms over my chest they are resting on top of my stomach instead of being held there using muscle strength.

What I can do is do better..I can cut back my portions, reduce my calories, head to the gym and sign up for Weight Watchers (I lost 50lbs on WW in 2007 but got rebellious and thought I could do it on my own).  So come with me as I continue this Journey to a better me..not for you, not for some random "us" but for me..because that is the only person I know how to be!