525,600 Minutes...How Do You Measure A Year....

Coming this weekend....Natural Hair Diary (Week 1)...Holiday Manicures (2 New Orly Polishes)...Make-up Haul (For B. Smith and my namesake)

For today a song and a quick comment...


I remember when I first saw Rent and I heard this song.  It raised a valid question, How do you measure a year? Looking over the last 365 days I can see where my measurement tool has went wrong.  I know where there has been some mismanagement and I can clearly see where I have let time slip through my hands (like the sands of the hourglass (dramatic I know but I couldn't help myself)...But everyday is a new day, a chance to start a new 365, a new cycle, new habits and  better choices. So tomorrow, I am going to try to wake up a little earlier...produce a bit more and break some of the cycles that I have gotten myself into...wish me luck, you know I will tell you all about it!!

Things I Wish I Had Never Seen...Bobby Brown, Macy Gray Edition

Picture it...10 p.m. on a Monday Night.  I am in my living room watching the MoNique Show and after she finishes "doing it till she is satisfied" and she wraps up her monologue she announces her first guest.  I glance up at the TV and see that it is Macy Gray.  Now look-y here, I have no problem with Ms. Gray.  "I Try" ,  "Still" and "Sweet Baby" are still a few of my favorite songs.  I just could not have been prepared for the hot mess that exploded on my TV screen.  I can not even give words to what it sounded like. It started off almost promising, the band was doing their thang but then from the elevator doors, all I could see was a shiny blue suit, scuffed white sneakers and a hat.  Underneath all of that was Bobby Brown!!!  Yes, the TENDER RONI, MY PREROGATIVE, WHITNEY'S EX- BOBBY BROWN.  I almost choked on my grape kool-aid.  THEY sounded terrible.  Like he had been chewing on glass in the back and then decided to come sing a song.  I just don' t know what to say, I looked for the live performance on line and could not find it (maybe that was a blessing in disguise) But of course there is an official video.  I don't know whether to apologize for introducing you to this song or to thank you for sharing the pain with me..Either way, here it goes....

Waiting to Exhale

Without the drama of course....

Right now I am sitting in a big comfy chair, drinking a Raspberry smoothie. I was reading a book on my nook and then I realized something, I was child free. Now before you call protective services on me, he is not alone at home or locked in the car with a small slit in the window and a bottle of water. He is currently in the care of a very close friend who offered to watch him while I got my do did and go to a relaxing, chicken nugget free, adults only dinner.

The reason this is a big deal to me is because generally I am a "where I go, my kid goes kind of parent". My son is ride or die! He loves our normally active and busy lifestyle and I do too. It's just that every now and again, Momma needs a break. Being a single parent is the hardest job I have ever had to do and it's the most rewarding. But being the go to parent all day everyday is tiring and today I embrace these few hours.

To all my friends who have ever stood in for me and fed and entertained my rambunctious four year old you are appreciated (especially those of you with no kids! Haha! I am sure the Lord will bless your sacrifice). You have no idea how much these couple hours have recharged me. My mind seems clearer. My disciplinary tone is rested and for just a few minutes I reclined in this big comfy chair, took a sip of my raspberry smoothie and I exhaled.....

(p.s. This is the first blog posted from my iPhone. Pardon any formatting issues please be patient with me and this new fangled technology hahaha)

(p.p.s. You know I couldn't not add this song! Click Here )

If Loving You is Wrong, I Don't Wanna Be Right...

....If being right means being without you, I rather be wrong than right... 



Soooo...I got a message the other day from an old friend that said something to the same effect of Mr. Ingram.  And I was flattered for a moment because this old friend and I go way back..Back to talent shows and SAT prep classes.  When music was real, and the only worry we had was college choice.  Anyway, I got the message and I had to really deal with some things.  First off, the individual is married.  He claims everything is horrible, that she doesn't understand him.  That she never loved him like I love him and it all sounded good for a while.  He called everyday, he sent wonderful songs to me, he wrote poetry and always had something great to say.  It was a dream come true.  Someone who knew me for so long that understood me.  Someone that appreciated my value and recognized my worth.  It seemed too good to be true and it was.  The first time I realized that it was wrong ( I know you are saying that I should have known when he said he was married, I agree and we all make mistakes...Dont Judge me!) was the first time in our "relationship" that I needed to talk to him and it was not during our usual hours.  I couldn't just call him or send him messages because his wife checked the phone records.  I thought about how selfish the relationship was, I was always on call for him and he sought me at his leisure.  That was not enough for me to end all communication, but it made me think.  I know I was wrong, I know my heart would break if I would have been the wife on the other end of the relationship.  After a few months, I broke things off and endeavored to let it all go.  A short time after that he announced on FaceBook that him and his wife were expecting a baby.  So the whole "she gives me no sex" thing was obviously a lie and I felt like boo boo the two headed fool!

Now...all this happened over a year ago but watching Fantasia For Real the other night brought some of the memories flowing back and reminded me why I let it go.  (See Interview Here)  Fantasia got involved with an allegedly separated man and to make what could be a long story short - it led to a lawsuit, a media frenzy and a suicide attempt.

I am so thankful that my situation did not turn out that way.  I was blessed to have a last drop of decency and good sense to let it go before more people got involved which brings me to the title of this blog. If loving you is wrong, I dont want to be right?! Who thinks like that, who does that, why is that an acceptable train of thought.  Love should never come with so much compromise.  It should never flourish in the face of someone else dying.  I get it, all relationships aren't happy and every marriage is not working..But if he/she loves you for real they will love you enough to keep your life drama free.  Call me when you leave the courthouse! Be ready to sign those papers! If not I can only assume that you are not as tired as you claim to be!

Fly is never fake...and that old "I'll Take Your Man" mentality has got to stop.  Who knows what would have happened had I not came to my senses.  I just know that I am glad that I will not have to find out!!

Do you know what today is....

Today is November 2, 2010. It is election day!! Can you believe that it has been almost two years since we, as  a country, elected Barack H. Obama as the 44th President of the United States.  I woke up this morning and to be honest I did not feel like doing much of anything.  I was tired, and I just wanted to relax.  I grabbed my new bff iPhonia and did some social networking and noticed that quite a few friends/followers were hitting the polls.  At that moment I realized how important it was to 'Rock the Vote'.  I got to the polls and felt energized.  Me and my son were doing our part.  Unfortunately not a lot of people were compelled to do the same.  The polling location was empty. There was no chatter, no great discussions on the importance of casting your ballot! It looked nothing like the polling place of 2008 that was full of people, life, and a sense of liberty.

It appears that some people think that they only have to vote once and things will change.  Maybe 2008 was emotional, maybe people felt that there was more at stake.  The reality is that every election year is important.  Even if we are not electing a President, we are voting for the elected officials that will be our voice to the President and that is equally if not more so important.

All I can think about is the time when me, as a black woman, would not have been able to vote.  I had no voice, no say and no opinion.  I am grateful for the rights to speak, to pray, to vote.  I can sit where I want on the bus, drink out of any water fountain, use the front door to enter and exit establishments and all that is because someone flexed their right to vote. 

So today I voted.  I voted for freedom, I voted for change, I voted for peace.  Today I voted for judges, officials, constitutional amendments and state legislator.  Today I voted for me, I voted for my country and I sowed a seed into the future - I voted with my Son.

If you haven't made a difference yet, it is not too late.  Most polls will not close until 7pm (in your local area) and some will be open as late as Midnight (mostly on the west coast).

Please take time to cast your vote.  If you will not cast, you can not complain.  Make your voice heard, your opinion matters and so do you.

What Becomes of A Broken Heart...

I am not too sure, but the question has me in reflect mode and I have decided to write a letter...

(Musical Sidebar: Soooooo..there has been a song playing over and over again in my head lately and the title (not so much the lyrics) really got me thinking Click Here to find out what it is.....)
 
Back to the letter...
   

I remember when we were close, it seems that lately you are not the same. I don't blame you though, a lot has happened over the last year. There were bound to be some changes.  Sometimes things happen and before you know it so much time has passed and so many things have been left unsaid that there is no way to get back to where we were then, and that's okay.  I have accepted that.  But that can not be where it ends.  I take responsibility for the way things have been up to this point.  I saw when it began to spiral out of control and I did nothing about it.  I could see when you began to change.  I could sense when the burden became to much to bear and still I did nothing.  I saw when you needed release, I was there when all you needed was time to make sense of it all and I did not give you that.  I sit back now and try to make sense of why I could not be there to encourage you, to see you through it all and the only thing that I can come up with is that I didn't want to face it.  It seemed that the more I ignored the issues the further away they became.  If I didn't mention the pain, for a brief moment the pain disappeared. 

     I know there is no excuse for the way I treated you.  I was suppose to cover you, shelter you and protect you until you were stronger and I failed. Epically I failed. But I am ready now, I have taken a moment to contemplate where it all went wrong and I am ready.  I no longer wish to cover it up, I no longer desire to lock you away. I realize now that what people see externally is a direct reflection of you and I want you to be exhibited properly.  The question always is what becomes of a broken heart, and now I know the answer - nothing! Until I make peace with the pain and the past, it stays broken. So this letter is for you..I am glad to be connected to you again...To feel you beating in my chest...I still feel the ache but you are no longer broken...I have tried to ignore you, bury you and then hide behind you and none of it worked.  So today I follow you..I allow you back on my sleeve where you usually reside...Nobody said it would be easy, but a cold heartless life is not a life at all...So I suppose the song that has been in my head was right on cue..I am finding my way back to something...it's not a person, nor is it a place.  I am finding my way back to me, to my heart and I must say it sure feels good...

Fly is not about fakin' it 'til you make it...Be real, Be Encouraged and please Be Yourself...