Grab a Suitcase...

FGI is moving!!!

For the next few days things may be a little quiet as I make my move to a hosted WordPress blog.
 I look forward to my new digs..the look will be a little different and there will be some additions to content delivery that will be interesting for all of us.The website will stay the same and the posts will all follow to the new location so please just bear with me as I iron out all the kinks...

Thank you! And I look forward to seeing you at my new "crib"



Signed,

Management

Favorite Song Friday

I was trying to think of a song for F.S.F all day and I could not come up with anything.  The last two weeks have been R&B from the last decade and I could not continue on that path but I was not ready to go anywhere else yet either..what a pickle right!?

I didn't know what I was going to do--that is until my son got into the car after daycare and asked to hear the fish song - See album cover in Video - I happily obliged and that is how I chose this Friday's song! Straight from '82....Here goes...




For those that cannot view the video - Click HERE

On the Way Home Today....

......I had a very interesting thought: THANK GOD I WAS NOT BORN INTO SLAVERY!!!

Before you start heee-ing and hawing about why would I be thinking such a thing, let me explain.  This time of year, folks with allergies start looking for new noses on all the latest nose sites because the allergens are in full force.  I am no exception when it comes to certain things, more specifically fresh cut grass and (more recently) cotton. 


Let me explain further--driving home today, I had my windows down low and my music up high as I was trying to press my way through 5:00 traffic.  When I reached 21st Street there was "white stuff" flying around everywhere.  At first glance it looked like the stuff off the weeds that you use to blow when you were a kid, but upon further inspection I saw that it was cotton.  Fresh off the  cotton plant.  Before I could really grasp what was happening there was cotton in my car and all over my black shirt.  My eyes were starting to burn and itch and I had to roll up the window before one more piece flew in.


Now, with that being said, go back to my original comment - THANK GOD I WAS NOT BORN INTO SLAVERY.  As a deep chocolate woman, there would have been no mistaking where I would have ended up on a plantation based on what we know of the field-slave/house-slave complexion divide during those times.  How in the world would I have managed to pick one ounce of cotton with an allergy.  I would have been done for the first harvest!

While it would have been my desire that none of our ancestors would have been subjected to the tyranny, the injustices and the oppression of slavery, I am so grateful to have not known that life.  I am grateful for those that paved the way and endured hardship that I could never imagine.  I appreciate those that died to escape bondage so that others could be free.  But above all of that--I am eternally grateful that God chose a time called now and a place called here for me to live in.
 
I know this is not something that people typically think about, but it truly was my first thought as I saw a piece of cotton land on my hand, what if I had to pick this everyday? What would I have done had this been my lot in life.  Lord knows I don't know but what I do know is that I am glad I will never have to find out....

Wisdom: According to J. Cole

As many of you know, I love music.  There has not been one time in my life that I cannot think of a song or two that could be playing in the background as I endure whatever situation may be going on. I don't know how I remember all the songs, most times it is a certain lyric from a song that perfectly fits something that I am thinking about or trying to express.  Yesterday was no different, I found a new song to add to my mental jukebox.

While engaging in my various stages of Corporate Thuggery I found myself listening to my iPod that stays all the way turned up throughout the day.  Somewhere between NE Heartbreak and Charlie Last Name Wilson was J. Cole. The song is Autograph off of the   Friday Night Lights mixtape and one verse made me stop and think:
 
"Girl we grown so you gotta play your own position
I wouldn't say that you a hoe, just made a hoe decision"

The background is simple, he was fooling around with a girl who was already married and he had no intentions of "wife-ing" her.  After the affair she no longer wanted to be with her husband but J.Cole was never in it to "sweep her away" The verse that I mentioned picks up after her husband forgives her infidelity and takes her back.

Now that you know the story, here is the line of the song that gets me.."I wouldn't say that you a hoe, you just made a hoe decision" How classic is that. Replace the words "you a hoe" with "you are stupid, ridiculous, foolish" and every other synonymous adjective and the lyric applies to everyone.   How many times have you you found yourself caught up in a precarious situation (not just sexual but any situation) and before you know it you have done something of ill repute. Now, along with the act, comes rejection, bitterness, shame, or maybe even retaliation that was all caused by one decision.  The good thing is that it does not have to define who you are.

We all make mistakes and regardless of what some people would have you believe, no one walking this earth today has a right to condemn you for those actions.  The key is to despise the decision not the person. You are not ruined,  a little bruised maybe, embarrased--possibly but life is not over because you did something that you regret the next day.  Unless of course it comes with a 'sentence", then I cannot really say how things are going to go from there for you.

I know, it all seems too deep of a thought from a rap song, but it spoke volumes to me. I am not perfect. I have done things, said things and become involved in things that have made absolutely no sense. The only thing that I can do now is face the reality of those decisions, take "my position" and accept responsibility for my actions regardless of the consequences and know that in my heart I am better for it.

For those of you that haven't heard the song..Here is the link: The Autograph - J. Cole (the verse mentioned is about 2 minutes into the song)
 

So Glad to Finally Meet You....

Last week, I met someone very interesting.  I ran into her in the Cafeteria and at first glance it seemed as if I have known her forever.  We talked a little bit, and shared some things about ourselves that we have never told another soul.  We laughed and we cried and we vowed to never lose touch again.  I cannot believe that after all these years, all the different things that we have went through and all the times we could have ran into each other it finally happened. But, I was glad that it did.

I met my inner fat girl! Now, to understand what I am saying you have to first know that I am a plus sized woman and have been struggling with my weight for about the last 8 years. For some reason though, in the back of my mind I still thought I was not too, too big and since I could still use one seat belt on airplanes I was okay.  I measured my bigness against that of fuller figured people and I would always say "see I am not so bad, I am still smaller than them".

Over the years I have lost weight and dropped multiple sizes for many reasons.  To try and save a relationship, to get in a relationship and other random reasons that had nothing to do with my overall health.  But last week something happened.  My outer fat girl, and my inner fat girl both lined up and decided that enough is enough..something has to be done..Not for no dude (grammatically all wrong I know) not for anyone else but for me, because I am not satisfied with the way that I look.

Do not get me wrong, I love the skin that I am in, but I also know that underneath the skin is too much other stuff that will cause me issues in the long run.  I am not ashamed of who I am but I know that the me that I desire to be has her weight under control, her health is in check and she can shop at more places than Lane Bryant and Ashley Stewart.

I say none of this to condemn you or to make anyone ashamed of who they are.  All I know is that FOR ME - there has to be change, I cannot pretend that I am okay when I go into the mall and pass all the stores that I like but have to keep going because they do not carry my size.  I cannot pretend that all is well when I fold my arms over my chest they are resting on top of my stomach instead of being held there using muscle strength.

What I can do is do better..I can cut back my portions, reduce my calories, head to the gym and sign up for Weight Watchers (I lost 50lbs on WW in 2007 but got rebellious and thought I could do it on my own).  So come with me as I continue this Journey to a better me..not for you, not for some random "us" but for me..because that is the only person I know how to be!

Favorite Song Friday...A buncha Days Late

hahaha...In keeping with the label, I decided to not rename favorite song Friday, even though I clearly missed the day it was supposed to be posted..Instead I will pretend as if I don't even notice and post a song and dare you to care! (Smile)

Today's song choice is by one of my favorite male vocalist of this decade.  He is a mix between Marvin Gaye (loosely) and Smokie Norful (forgive me Jesus) and I truly believe that he is a "full bodied artist" meaning he has the perfect mix of talent, showmanship, socio-political awareness and "fineness" mixed into one person.

(sidenote: @twitlicker83 - Every time you say Good Morning I am compelled to listen to this song! Your 2 words make a difference..every little bit counts! :)

So without any further adieu...



For those that cannot view the video - Click HERE 

Favorite Song Friday

Good Morning Faithful Friends..I have officially dubbed today Favorite Song Friday here at F.G.I.  In an attempt to blog at least once a day, I thought a themed post would take some of the pressure off and be a wonderful medium to release my inner Whitney--pre-cocaine and prior to Mr. "My Preogative" Bobby Brown that is!! I will try to choose picks from all different genre's and era's and will post a link or a video to each song.

So without further adieu here is today's pick-- It is not a classic, nor is it the best song ever but...if you know me, you understand why this is my first pick (there are not many songs that a person can say has caused them to get in a fender bender -- don't worry the other car was parked and it was only a tiny scratch)




For those of you that can not see the video or would prefer to view it in a separate window click HERE
 

It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday..

NOTE: 1. There are quite a few links in this post - who would I be if I didn't give you visuals? 2. This blogger window has been open on my MacBook for days..Here's why;

May 1 - I finally found a worthwhile topic for the first blog after my "blog-i-versary" and...

May 2 - ...and I was scooped by the President (Unless you have been living under a rock, you know what the big announcement was)

May 3 - ...and The Voice was on and I find myself randomly attracted to CeeLo so I cannot Blog until I come to my senses...

May 4 - ...and then it hit me.  My first post would be about me (Shocking I know)

But really, this has been quite the year for me, everything that could have possibly changed in my life has changed. New place, new job, no hair, no love interest and no--well never mind that--but you see where I am going with this right?

The reason I decided to do this post now is because I have came to an epiphany of sorts concerning myself and relationships.  It all came to a head on Passover Sunday.  I was hanging with some friends and one of the people there just happens to be married to my ex-fiancee. That, while it may have been a problem to some, was cool..her pulling out the wedding pictures and sharing them with everyone however was too much for my poor heart to take.  I am not a punk though so I held it together and did not turn into a babbling, bawling fool but I must say it cut me deep.  After the evening came to a close and I got home I was to' up (torn/tore up) , but like any good neighbor--my best friend was there.

As I shared with her some of the events that had taken place over the last few weeks up through that very night she said something that stopped me dead in my tracks.  She said that the reason things hurt me so much for so long is because I never truly let anything go, I push past it and when something new comes up it all rushes back and now I have to push harder.  As she said it I knew it was true and everything began to creep to the surface.

I could not hold back the tears that I had held in for so long.  I cried for the brokenness in my past, for the desperation of my present and for the fear of what would be in my future.  I cried for every relationship that hurt, harmed or hindered me yet I stayed and waited for change that would never come.

I cried for every person that said that they loved me in spite of my complexion, my weight, or my "sensitive" nature and realized that if they had to say all that it was not love at all.  I cried because for some reason I have held on to every relationship that I have had since 8th grade and still carry the insecurities and scars as if they were battle wounds.  I cried because I had to. I needed to release all the negativity that I carried as a crown to show that I have been hurt just like you.  I cried because at some point I went from being the victim to being a volunteer for abuse and lackluster love affairs. I cried because, like Etta James, all I could do was cry!

And after all that crying, when there were no more tears left, when the phone was turned off, when the only things left were me, the Lord and the pain, I said Goodbye. I told the past that it could not control me any longer.  If that meant getting rid of every person on my "Friends" list and starting anew, I was willing to do it.  Thankfully, it did not take all of that! All it took was me..I had to find the me that was whole without anyone around and it is a work in progress but I am enjoying it all.

I had to realize that I am not defined by the hurt in my past.  What defines me is the hope in my future and I choose to reach toward that without looking back except to see how far I have come.  Boyz II Men had it right when they said saying goodbye to yesterday is hard..But being able to say hello to tomorrow sure makes it worth it...

Drum Roll Please...

I have made a decision..it was pretty easy after I weighed the pros and cons. After I contemplated the why behind the things I do and say I realized that I have to be true to who I am and finish those things that I have chosen to start. For me F.G.I. is more than a blog, it's a diary, a soapbox and a jukebox all in one and I'm not ready to let that go, not yet.

So, I'm going to give it another go. No promises and no pretense. No schedules and no deadlines..I'm just going to do what I love and that will have to be enough...

**thanks for all the texts and tweets of encouragement today..hopefully you will stick along for the ride--love you much**

Oh and the drum pic was just too funny, it's how I picture a good, quality, dramatic drum roll to be! #Dontjudgeme

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions - One Year Later

What would my life be if it did not all start with a song..everything I am is wrapped in a lyric, laid over a melody and sung through the veins of my heart...

Soooooooo I got an email today from "Godaddy" saying that it was time to renew my domain name and I could not believe that it had already been a year.  So much has happened over the last 365 days that I almost can't believe that it is all real.  Even writing this post seems odd since I have not done it in a while and I am just not sure what I want to do..

Writing for me has always been an escape, a way to bleed and still yet live to see another day.  Over the last few months, even though I have been inspired, I have chosen to hold a lot of those things in for multiple reasons.  And right now as I ponder my annual renewal, I am trying to decide how valid those reasons really are.

So I have decided to sleep on it, to ponder what "Fly Girl Interrupted" really means to me and what commitment or sacrifice I am willing to make.  This decision is not about followers or subscribers - I mean, I only have 8 - they cannot care that much!  It is not about advertising or trying to gain popularity in any way.  What I am asking myself while trying to make this decision is do I still want to be heard.  Do I still feel as if I have valuable things on the inside of me that I care enough about to put in a blog.

Whether it be funny or sad, fashion or foe.  Whether it is about me or about the first man on the moon I do not want to continue with a product that I am not dedicated or committed too, nor do I want to give up something that I love because I am lazy and a quitter.

So tonight I will make a decision, I feel like I am deciding whether or not to break up with the love of my life or not and the crazy thing is--at this point I have no idea what I am going to do..

So like all my other super reflective blogs of the past, I am left at a crossroad with nothing but  song and my keyboard to keep me company..

Whatever I decide, I will not leave the 8 people who have blessed me with there time hanging -- at some point tomorrow you will know where we stand..Until then sleep well (or good morning) and thanks for the love - fly is not a solo act, it is a family affair!!!

***Now off to think it all through.... I don't really want to stay, I don't really want to go, what I really want to know is can we get it together***