When I'm loving you, loving you, loving you....

...why would you wanna break up?

The answer to that is simple...because sometimes you just have to..Sometimes the things that we want are not the things that we ought have.  Sometimes that thing we work so hard to hold on to is the very thing that is killing us softly from the inside out.  For the first time I have had to let something go that I wanted very badly for the sake of something that was much more important. And you know what, I am doing okay.  For the last four months, I have loved, laughed, and lived like I never have before.  I believe that the relationship that I was in, regardless of the outcome, was a necessary part of my growth, my maturity and my future.  I learned things about me, about life and about love that I never knew before and for that I am grateful.

Today I have no anecdotes or answers.  No cool quotes or charismatic rhetoric.  I put my heart on the line and it was broken for a moment but when I looked at it closely I realized that the breaking was only external.  I see that even in the midst of the brokenness, my heart had been given a chance to grow larger and the blood has been flowing better ever since.

There are so many things that I wish I could say but I will not, what's done is done.  But in closing, I will say this.  If you have never known what it is like to love with everything, to put caution to the wind and be completely naked and vulnerable with someone.  I highly recommend it.  The dissolution of this chapter in my life will not change the way I love nor will it change my approach to relationships.  I still believe that you get what you give, so I love hard so that I can live easy..But most importantly I still believe in love--real love, good love, strong love, reciprocated love, patient, unfailing, unconditional, never knew a love like this before love!! And because of that, I still believe that true love exists and is available to those that desire it, I still believe that people can be trusted and that I deserve greatness.

So today I say goodbye, not to love but to the past.  I love you and I am grateful that I had the opportunity to experience you.  I have no regrets and looking out across the horizon, I still see the sun regardless of the clouds and I know that we both will be fine.  We have chosen to walk away not because things were bad, but because we loved each other enough to value something greater than our selfish desires and to me there is no greater love.  I look forward to the transition that is already taking place in our relationship and I gladly accept and reciprocate your friendship.  For everything there is a season--ours has changed..but just as the spring rain brings summer flowers, I hope that the tears and the temporary hurt of yesterday become the water for our tomorrows..

Leaving on a Jet Plane...

S-T-L..bound...

I am going on a brief vaca--I mean business trip in a few hours and I just finished packing.  I know I should have done it earlier but I do not regret one minute of my day..I hung out with some old friends and came home and kicked it with some new ones.  I know I will pay for it later on but for now adrenaline is doing exactly what it needs to.

Leaving for me is bittersweet.  I am glad to be getting away on the companies dime for a week and I am excited to just get some rest but at the same time I am going to miss a couple of things about home.  In other words I had to leave my baby (my son) and my S.O. (Significant Other) behind.  Now I know I have a flare for drama, I know that I will only be gone for a week and that I surely will not die.  That however does not change the fact that I will miss them, matter of fact I miss them already.

*tear*

Anyway, I will have my laptop so I will still be blogging random musings and hopefully some pics from the trip...See ya in St Louis!!

Back that thing up...

buy a compact sedan, get a spotter or take the bus...

I don't know how I always end up in some random situation but as I was pulling into Dillard's today (home of my favorite MAC counter) I was chit-chatting on my boo (my BlackBerry) with my boo so I decided to stay in the car for a few more minutes after I secured my vehicle in a parking spot.  Once I got off the phone, I mentally made a list of the things I wanted to accomplish on this lunch break and was interrupted by the sound of metal on metal.  I glanced up in time to see a lady in a big ole Chevy 1500 scraping the side of some poor soccer mom's Caravan that was parked in front of me.

Immediately the driver of the raggedy truck began to look around to see if anyone had saw the incident and I just looked at her and shrugged. She continued to keep pulling into the space, finish scraping the door and then proceeded to get out of the truck.  At this point, the Nancy Drew in me had already written down the tag numbers and was prepared to call 5.0 if this woman did not do the responsible thing and leave her information and guess what....................................................she didn't!!

Do you know how mad I would have been if I came out of the mall to find my passenger door all beat up and a truck that closely resembled 'Mater from Cars parked beside me with no note...I was not letting it go down, call it what you want--I will be a tattle, a snitch, a rat-- but I know that I was there for a reason and I was not about to pass up a chance to be civilly responsible. 

I called the police and they came and took a report and got my information in case the victim needed it for there insurance company.  I do not know what the other lady was thinking, she did not leave a note or anything..she did not even get the tag number off the Caravan, so what was her plan?  If she had no intention of reporting the incident, why stay parked there and then go into the mall and you know I am sitting right here? Whatever her reasons were, I showed her!! Hopefully everyone was insured and it all works out, I will sleep well knowing that today, I, fly girl for life, did my part!!

G'night!!!!

Me, Myself and I...and MAC

(De La Soul version not Beyonce please) 

This week has been a bit hectic, as per usual, and there has been a lot going on.  Between personal things, increased hours at work and preparing for a business conference in STL next week, I feel kind of isolated and distant from things.  I never realized that I had such a fixation with routine until the routine changes.  Transitions are sometimes difficult for me but with a little bit of self awareness and a dab of  'whatever' I am sure I will be fine...

One thing that has not changed however, is my MAC cravings.  Today, on my lunch break, I went to the MAC counter (after being almost jumped by an Estee Lauder representative - it almost went very bad) and me and the FAB-ulous Renee picked out some beautiful spring colors for me..The first is called Red Brick, the second Winkle, the third is a pigment powder called universal mix and last but not least, Goldenrod (ooooh say it again...goldenrod!!). I also picked up some mascara (Great Lash was just not doing so great for me anymore), my very first blush--in raisin and a very fluffy #129 brush to accompany it.

I used the pigment (In honor of my new pigment powder, I also grabbed a #242 brush.  There was no way I was going to try and apply without the proper tools and walk around looking a hot, pigment-y mess! No Ma'am/Sir!!), goldenrod and winkle to accomplish my look this evening and I am very satisfied with the colors.  I tend to be drawn to more shimmery shadows but I am beginning to notice that they are not giving me the depth and the intensity that I have been going for.  The colors are very pigmented and build-able so that you get just the look you desire without having to settle.


I was a little reluctant about the blush, it is a very pretty reddish brown almost cinnamon like but I have never worn blush before.   I bought the brush so that I wouldn't ruin my first experience with blush and I must say that I enjoyed it.  It gave my otherwise deep brown cheeks a nice glow and I was quite glad to have a chance to "blush".

Overall I am very happy with my purchases..I don't consider myself a beauty blogger but I like to share my experiences in products so here you have it. 

Love Is....

"Love means never having to say you're sorry"
                  (Taken from the novel and film 'Love Story' 1970, Erich Segal)

This quote, which I have heard many times from men and women in love, and not in love, could not be further from the truth.  To quote an even better book, THE book, (the Good Book, the B-I-B-L-E), Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered and it keeps no record of wrongs.

Today I take a lesson in love, not an easy one but a lesson nonetheless.  Today I see what my brand of "love" really looked like.  Over the last couple of days my "self" has been shown to my "self" and I am here to tell you that it sucked!!  

Let me explain, my brand of love has been erroneous and I didn't even know it.  I thought I had it together but I was a time bomb with a very short fuse.  My love came with a personality disorder called divalicious attitudism. Now being from the east coast, I have a little fly girl flavor that is sassy and cute but even that has its limits and I was well exceeding them.  My love was selfish and never satisfied.  Easily angered and borderline bitter from past relationships so any new love had to pay the price for every prior mistake. Because the majority of my relationships have been very unhealthy I have basked in the glow of a healthy relationship and been unsure of how to respond so I went to my default. My love was flawed and poisonous to its new home and when I realized it, it was like the weight of a ton of bricks.

It is always so easy to pick apart the flaws and weaknesses in something or someone else.  When a friend calls with relationship issues or family issues, it is simple to become the next Dr. Phil and get them right on through it, but when the problem is you, especially in this type of situation, what do you do?

For me the answer was simple..(so simple that I have already done them) I had to do/realize three things..

(Sidebar: this is not a 12 step program and I am not a therapist..I am doing me..repeat..doing me)

1. I had to share my heart with the one I gave my heart too...as the recipient of my brand of love it was only fair that I make it known that I saw my behavior and that I was sorry. No matter what the outcome, the hardest part of realizing that you have been the issue is humility but it is necessary.

2.  I had to forgive my past. Not just the people in it, but myself and my self sabotaging behaviors.  I had to confront the things that caused me to be negative while standing face to face with the most positive relationship that I ever had and take my life back from it.  When standing at an en passe of this magnitude, GPS, your cousin with the map, or your auntie from around the way can not help you choose the way to go.  You have to decide that for no other reason ( meaning not for a person, not for a relationship or whatever else) but for yourself and the fact that if you do not change you will forever be this person, you are willing to do something different and choose a different course immediately.

For me, I could not play with it and say "Well I'm going to try and do better and see how it goes." I have seen how it went and it was headed to a place called a lot worse.  Some of the issues that I have had only require a more rational response or a more positive approach and that shift has to be immediate.  I know that I am not perfect and that I may not always say or do the right things but that is not now nor has been a free pass to cut a fool when you want to.

3.  The last thing I had to do and honestly the hardest thing is to realize that healthy love lets go. I know no one wants to hear if you love something let it go...but the truth is relationship is not ownership it is companionship and if you are causing the ship to sink you can not be mad if the other person wants out of the boat! After everything, the realization, the confession and the beginning of change I had to be prepared for the consequences and ready to start the repairs..

I am not down, defeated or depressed. I am grateful that I have seen these things before I could be consumed by them and I am never to old to grow in some areas and mature...So, at this point the only thing to do is go forward..to laugh, to live and to truly love.

It's been a long time...

I shouldn't have left you.....

I know, I know I have been off the blog scene for quite a few days now and I have missed it so much but I am so ready to give a run down of what has been going on.


 My hiatus all started on Wednesday when I went to see my Neurologist for these pesky migraines that I get from time to time.  She thought it would be a grand idea to increase the anti-seizure medication that I take daily by an additional 100 mg. Well being the obedient patient that I am (okay maybe not all the time but this time I tried it) on Wednesday night I started the increased dosage.  By Thursday morning, I was too high to get out of bed.  I drug myself to work and had to take another dose of medicine that morning. By noon, my fingers and toes were numb, I was having a hard time string words together for sentences and all I wanted to do was sleep. I laid on the couch at work a little after noon, woke up at 4, went home took my evening meds at 8pm, went to bed at 830 and did not wake up again until almost 830 am.  It was at that point that I knew that I could not live like that.  When I got to work on Friday morning and took  my morning dosage, I again experienced the numbness but this time I promptly placed a call to my Doctor. When she called back she said to stop the new dosages and go back to my normal medicine amounts!! Thankfully so, I felt like a zombie, I could barely talk, blogging was out of the question.

By Saturday morning, I almost felt like my normal self and I had a zillion things to do. My Boobiekins had some friends that were jumping the broom on Saturday and we were invited and I had nothing to wear!! So I headed to the mall found a dress but then needed shoes.  Found  two pair of shoes (good thing because on the way to my baby's house one of my new sandal's BROKE--dayng on Charlotte Russe-- and we had to stop at my house and grab the other pair!!!) but then needed some new MAC eyeshadow (Don't Judge Me) found some eyeshadow but then answered my cell and my baby needed a new belt (LOL).  Found the belt and ran out the mall before I had to find a sponsor to pay for all my purchases.  Because my S.O. works so late, we were unable to make the ceremony but the reception was beautiful and it is always a blessing to see two people forsake all others and commit. I Love it!!

Today, though kind of sketchy, up to this point is working out decently..I kind of feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster today but I digress..




I went to see Just Wright and it had all the elements to make it...well..just right (hehehehehe) I laughed, I cried, I was mad, I was glad, certain people pissed you off but they were eventually sort of redeemed. Every now and again Common would say something and it would almost seem like he was about to start rapping...hilarious..If you haven't seen it I recommend it. It is definitely one for the DVD collection.  It will fit perfectly between Jason's Lyric and Love and Basketball (or Love Jones whichever is in your collection next)

But, I say all that to say that I am back in full effect..here and on twitter..I missed pouring my heart out on these pages everyday and I am so glad to be back in my right mind!!

Lata'

A (divided by) B (equals) S.E.X....An Equation of my own

After yesterdays thought provoking conversation with my S.O. we were messaging today and sometimes we like to play the my "girlfriend would be mad if she knew I was talking to you game" So I sent a BBM (BlackBerry Messenger) saying that I really miss my boo today, I wonder how I should say it...the response that I received was how about an equation so I obliged.  Next time your honey bunny asks you how you feel about them or if you miss them try this mathematical genius on for size...

Warning:  If you take life to seriously and you really, really love math, I am sure I am about to butcher it so please exit this page..Ok? Thanks, bye!

Anyway, here goes..

In an equation where a = me and b =you.

If you take the number of hours since I have seen you last and subtract the number of hours that we have talked on the phone multiplied by the amount of times that I have thought of being with you carry the 1, and divide by the amount of hours that I have felt a kind of way it is directly proportional to the number of times today I have desired to kiss you and the reciprocal of the amount of hours I want to spend in your arms the formula is a/b or a (on top of b) which is also referred to as s.e.x. with a remainder of c (cuddle time).

And who said people that enjoy writing are typically weak in math...hmph! Take that!

Today has been a thought provoking Tuesday...

..I had a few conversations, a couple of altercations and by the end of it all a revelation.

I will start with one of the conversations, today while talking to my "boo" a subject matter that comes up every few weeks reared its head - quality time.  Now, make no mistake I am a spoiled brat. I know it like I know my name.  I do not keep it a secret nor do I even pretend to be on a quest to change that. I believe that I am fun, sweet, personable and all the other things that ought make you desire to spend as much time as possible with me.  I don't tend to need tons of me time and deep down inside I do not understand it when my S.O. (significant other) does.  I know that may not be realistic, I see selfish written all over that, I am just trying to tell the truth..Shall I go on?  Well, we were talking today and of course I desire more face time at whatever cost necessary.  My S.O. then began to break down how much time over the course of a week (in hours mind you) that we spend talking, BlackBerry messaging, emailing, texting or seeing each other face to face and it was determined that I (one person) gets a large chunk of time while the remainder has to be divided between all the other friends and personal time.  This is what I get for dating a genius, I was speechless, the only thing that ever transcends my spoiled bratitude is logic and that is what I was getting.  So needless to say I changed the subject and smiled to myself that I have someone who understands me and appreciates the good, the hood and everything in between.

In the midst of that was the altercation but all I will say about that is if you jump fly at me please believe that there is something in my genetic make up that forces me to jump fly back.  If you raise your voice, my voice automatically begins to modulate and increase in volume to meet or exceed the voice of the person yelling and today I had to make an example of someone.  Ultimately, they made their point and because they were the person in charge of the process I had to go with the final decision but my point was crystal clear and I am going to prove it in the long run...bwahahahahahahaha!! (that is my payback laugh)

And  now to the revelation, I was looking at my FaceBook today and it seemed that a lot of people were just in the mulligrubs.  And the common theme was relationships, broken friendships and how they would not let themselves be hurt again.  I thought about it and even though I have said it before I know that I can no longer make that same claim. While I am not an advocate of allowing yourself to be a doormat to those around you, I do know that no relationship is free of heartache and hurt feelings.  I know that the reason I live so easy is because I love so hard.  Everyday I put my heart on the line in the hopes that the person (people) that I bare it to will take care of it as I do there's,  Some days that happens and some days it does not but regardless every morning I put it back on the line.  I dare not say that I will not be hurt again, because I may..it is not always detrimental but sometimes the littlest cuts cause the most pain.  And I am not perfect, even in my current relationship, I have done and said things that hurt. But one thing we both know is that at the end of the day we are happy, for the most part drama free and all the days of good we have under our belt buffers the few moments of not so good that we may come across. 

I do not pretend to know it all, I am no expert, but what I do know is that it has been during my most broken moments that I have made the most progress.  The times that I swore I would never let anyone close to me for fear of being hurt, I have closed out those that have come to love me the most.  Life has no guarantees, you never know where certain roads will lead you until you take them.  There is a difference between cautious and closed.  All the walls and locks are a diversion and a defense mechanism that may block your future.  The walls that we build to keep ourselves in, inadvertently keep others out as well. Vulnerability is not a bad word and it is not a weakness, show someone your heart and you just may find that they have the key...

Stormy Weather

Growing up my Grandmother introduced me to tons of classic cinema.  Laying on the living room couch of her S.E. Washington, D.C. apartment I was introduced to films like  Raisin in the Sun, Imitation of Life, Gone with the Wind and Cabin in the Sky to name a few.  Today it is with great sadness that we say goodbye to one of the icons of that era, Lena Horne.  Ms. Horne's stunning beauty and iconic style has been part of Hollywood since the late 1930's. As one of the first African American women to sign a contract with a major Hollywood studio, Ms Horne was breaking down barriers with her every move.  From refusing to perform in places that did not welcome people of color to Marching on Washington with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Ms Horne was a trendsetter and an activist and will be greatly missed.

(Picture is of Lena Horne playing Georgia Brown in Cabin in the Sky)

Mother's Day Musing

Thirty years and some months ago, the woman who I would eventually know as my mother went to the doctor concerned over 5 pounds that she could not lose.  It was the month of June and she had been eating right and everything but could not lose the last of the weight she was trying to shed.  Sitting in the doctors office, there was no way for her to be prepared for what the Doctor would come in and say. The results of all the tests were in, the 5 pounds that she was trying to lose were ME. Her and the doctor went round and round about the hows, whys and can you do the test again.  After a while, my mother grabbed her purse and walked out of that office in shock.  Her and my father had been separated for a couple months and my brother was 14 years old.  There was no way she could be pregnant. Unfortunately she did not have much time for it to sink in, a month later she found her self in pain.  She went to the hospital and after a relatively normal labor, I was born.  No one knew exactly  how far along she was because her first OB/GYN appointment was not for another couple of days. When I was born there was no denying that I was real, I had her smile and curly hair and my Dad's chocolate skin tone.  I had arrived and there was nothing left to do but go forward.

For the next few years, I had more love than any child could possibly want.   My mom and dad stayed separated, but there was always more than enough family around to fill any voids.  I was growing up with a mom that loved me and was willing to do whatever it took to ensure that I was happy, loved  and provided for.  I was a normal kid doing normal things until I came home from school that one day in the third grade. I walked in the house and I knew something was different.  My mom had been in the hospital a lot that year but I had no idea what was going on.  When I walked around the house, everyone was looking at me as if they had something to say to me but no one knew if they should.  I looked all around for my "Ga-Ga" (my mothers best friend and my Godmother) to see what was happening. When I finally found her I knew something was wrong.  She told me to sit down and once I did she began to tell me that my mother was gone.  I had no idea what she meant--gone where, I asked.  When she responded Heaven, I still did not get it--It was not until I saw the tears and asked to go see her that I finally began to understand that my Mother had passed away.

For the next few days everything was a blur, I still remember how people looked at me when they would walk by.  I did not know at that time that I was now an orphan.  My mom was gone, and in his own way, so was my dad.  My godmother would be the one to raise me from that point on.  Looking back on those days still brings tears to my eyes.  My mother, even though I only knew her for a short time, was an awesome woman.  She had a dry sense of humor that I somehow inherited and a thousand mega-watt smile that would light up a room. I still remember seeing her during one of the trips to the hospital, her hair was very short and it was so soft and curly because it had just started growing back. She was still so strong and so beautiful even though the cancer had spread from her breast to the rest of her body.  I had no idea that that visit was going to be one of the last times that I saw her.

I am grateful for the 7 years that I had with my mother, but I cannot help wondering what my life would have been like had I been able to have her for longer.  This mother's day, I am thankful that she gave me life and I hope that her death was not in vain.  I encourage all of you to do monthly breast exams and when the time comes please have a mammogram. If not for you, for those that love you.  Mother's day to me is still a day to celebrate.  I celebrate life, I celebrate love and I celebrate my Mother--Never forgotten, I Love you!!

MAC is Back!

Here goes-as promised:  My MAC product review, featuring some old picks and some new items that I just picked up..I had switched to MakeUp Forever (Sephora) for a while but I am glad to be back at MAC!!!

The first thing that I grabbed was a MAC 187 Brush and I am in love!! It is a stippling brush meaning after you get product on the tips of the brush you just lightly touch the bristles onto your face creating a pattern of small dots that are made by the brush.  After you have your liquid foundation all over your face ( I use MAC Studio Fix Liquid in NW 50), use the brush to lightly blend in the product and buff. (if you choose you can also apply a powder (I use MAC Studio Fix Powder Plus) with this brush to set. I personally don't, I prefer my Kabuki for setting.  This technique gave me my most flawless coverage..EVER!  The duo-fibre brush is so soft and truly when using it a little product goes a long way..

The second product that I snatched up was an eyeshadow base. The color is  "groundwork" and it comes in a paint pot.  Up to this point I have been just using concealer but it seemed that nothing was helping.  The paint pot is more of a cream and I applied it from lid to brow and I am here to tell you that my shadow did not budge! I couldn't even get it off when the make-up was supposed to come off. The base eliminated creases and my lids were no where near as oily as usual.  Another plus is because it is a little lighter than my skin tone it created a very nice underbrow matte color without me having to do a ton of blending. 

In celebration of my new eyeshadow base--I chose to revisit two of my favorite MAC shadows, "woodwinked" and "beauty marked".  I will start with woodwinked. It is a very pretty gold that is highly pigmented.  I am a chocolate diva so I need things that will show up..I refuse to spend 10 minutes doing eye make-up for it to blend into the black on my face...LOL..The other shadow, beauty marked, is a reddish blackish purpilated dream!!! ( I will post a hand swatch later today so that you can see the true colors).  It is very pretty but in order to get the maximum color benefit out of it, I recommend using a black shadow base underneath so the other colors can come out. 

I am very pleased with all of my new purchases and glad to revisit some not so new purchases.  I know that people are always looking for MAC dupes (duplicates that are generally cheaper) but I do not mind paying for quality.  I have a few brushes that are not MAC and they do a great job but I didn't get them becase they were dupes, I got them because they do the job.  In my experience you get what you pay for so I choose to pay for what I like.

Bonus:

Since I was a little late in posting this, here are a couple tips that I have come across in my beauty travels.

1. When applying a powder of any kind, after swirling brush in product, DO NOT blow on the brush to remove excess.  Tap the brush lightly so that you do not contaminate your brush or your product with saliva. 
2.  Apply concealer over foundation and before you set your makeup with your choice of powder.  Applying under foundation causes the concealer to either be over blended or it just rubs off.
3.  Clean your brushes at least once a week (After each use if you use them on other people). Self Explanatory!


As always, remember that Fly is always better when it is Fierce, Fun and Flawless!! If you take time to learn your face and proper application and technique you will make the make-up beautiful--not the other way around!

Lata'

Slackin'

Dear Blog Reader,

Sooooo....I know that I should be blogging at least once a day but I have been slacking.  You may be wondering how after only two weeks of blogging I have the audacity to think I need a break and you are right but that has never stopped me from doing what I want (hahaha!)  Also, I do know that the phrase quote of the day would lead a person reading my blog to believe that there will be one everyday and I promise as soon as I find my fly girl flow in this arena, there will be.  So tonight, I admit that I have been a tease--blogging for all these straight days and just when the topics where getting good, I disappeared. Well I assure you that I will soon deliver..get ready for my very first beauty blog later on today.  I just got some new MAC brushes and a few other goodies from my most favoritest place in the world...(duh MAC) and I can't wait to tell someone/anyone about it!!

If you can find it in your blog loving heart to forgive me, I promise I will do better!!

Signed,

Slacker Anonymous

QQOD (Quick Quote of the Day)

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh!" he whispered. "Yes, Piglet?" "Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. "I just wanted to be sure of you."

                           

"If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus one day, so I never have to  live without you"

                     
 ~ A.A. Milne (Author of Winnie The Pooh)

(Today is a double quote, since I didn't post one yesterday.)

 How often have you called just to hear someones voice and not want anything in particular?  How many times have you sent a message just to show someone that you were thinking of them? Every one wants someone to "check for them", it's part of who we are and it is part of what makes a relationship fun and flourishing.  Early morning messages, midday hello's or late night conversations are all a part of what gives a relationship its legs.  Take time today and reach out to someone you care about, you just may make their day.

End of Story....Period!

I am aware that there are some things that I have to suffer as a quick witted, beautifully interesting, charismatic female but there is one thing in particular that I cannot prepare for. No matter how often it has happened and regardless of how many more times it will happen I am always taken aback. As if I am not emotional enough, as if I am not already far right on the sensitivity measurement tool; once a month I am pushed over the edge.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am an adult and should be more capable of being well balanced and rational. Regardless of the circumstance, I should be able to look at people, situations, and issues and logically respond. Unfortunately, that is not what happens.

So this is an open letter to anyone I come in contact with during this phase of the lunar cycle. I apologize in advance when you start talking and my neck immediately begins to move side to side, my eyes roll and when my mouth opens all you hear is attitude. I am sorry if every time you say something it appears that I am shooting darts out of my eyes at you, it is not personal. I am sorry that during these few days I need to be coddled a little more, pampered a bit, and maybe sometimes given a little more grace (and sweets).

While everyone may not have this issue and sometimes the issues are not as severe, it happens. I promise once it passes, and it will pass, I will make it up to you—all of you.

Thanks for being so understanding,

                                                 Signed…A P.Y.T. with P.M.S

QQOD (Quick Quote of the Day)

I was sitting on the couch a tad disappointed at the lack of site visits that I have had today and a quote that I believe I saw from someone on twitter last week came back to mind. 

“A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song."    -Maya Angelou

 

 I have to be like that bird.  I do not write because I know all the answers. I cannot predicate my writing on any individual.  I must write simply because I have something to say.  I have to write because to not write, for me, would be like not breathing.  I write because I am good at it, and even if no one reads it, the reality is I wrote it and that has to be enough. And it is.....

Say Something Sunday..

"But, I’m gonna need you to say something baby, say something baby, say something baby; I’m gonna need you to say something baby, say something baby, say something baby..."
                                                    Say Something - Timbaland feat. Drake

 How many times have you decided to let something go for the sake of not wanting to 'Say Something'?  How many times have you chosen that for the sake of someone's feelings or emotions that you would keep your thoughts, comments, and opinions to yourself even if it concerns you, your sanity or your well being? I am sure that I know the answer, probably too many times.


So often we think that our silence is rescuing us from something.  Whether it be the truth, an argument or some type of vulnerability we think that shutting our mouth will somehow fix the situation. The truth is, it rarely does.  There are occasions when it is not the time nor the place to engage in certain conversations but that does not mean that, at some point, the conversation does not need to be had.


For me, confrontation is not a negative word.  I am a believer that there are times when situations do not change and people continue to hurt you in some way because they don't know how you really feel. Please understand, I do not feel that I have a license to say what I want in the name of  "expression" but I do tend to know where I stand in most relationships and situations because when something needs to be said I say it.


Some people love it, others..well they don't love it so much.  But I am not deterred, every night when I go to bed I am free.  I know that I have given all that I have verbally and emotionally.  Anyone that has spent any amount of time with me knows where they stand and can rest assured that when the rubber meets the road and an issue arises not only am I willing to talk about it but depending on the issue, I am able to take responsibility for my actions and respond accordingly.

I wonder how many relationships could have been restored with one conversation. How many of our lives are polluted with missed opportunities and words not spoken?  Today, clean the air, let it out, care to share...say whatever is on your mind, say whatever you feel, say those things that you have always wanted to say.  Today, say anything that you want as long as you say something!!

Old School Player...I am not a New School Fool....

Before I start, I would like to say that no matter how much you care about a person--I mean really love a person, if they come between you and your daily blogging you have the right (also known as AUTHORITY) to kick them in the shin!!! Immediately!! (I still love you Red, but I'm an artist and I am sensitive about my sh*t)

Now that I have gotten that out the way--Today has been a busy day! I had orchestra practice and in the midst of tuning the G-string of my cello it popped..So off to the music store I went to get a new string.  After the wonderful strings specialist fixed my "baby" I paid and was headed out the store when two older gentlemen walked pass.

I paid them very little attention as I left the register until I heard one say to the other, "I need me one of them." His friend replied, naturally, "One of What?" The Old School Player responded, "One of her, she is cute and classy with a touch of hood!"  I was shocked.  I was the only female in the vicinity, so I knew he was speaking of me..His touch of hood was referring to my mix of make up and curly fro, with my skinny leg jeans and my cute yet "urban" Nike Dunks.  Of course being the Fly Urban Girl that I am, I HAD to--I mean ABSOLUTELY HAD to respond and find out who exactly he was talking to in this lovely music establishment.  The Old School Fool was not ashamed to say me and I was happy to report that I was taken. 

Now, time for a PSA.  Fellas there are things that you should not say to or about a lady and expect a positive response; I will give a few examples: saying that I am cute was nice but the hood comment was too much.  I prefer trendy, urban, stylish.  Walking up to me complimenting my body parts before we even exchange a greeting is asking for my slick lip and a few choice words.

Bottom line is I am a lady, in sneaks and in stiletto's, I appreciate your desire to chat but honestly Mr. you don't even qualify.  There is a fine line between wack game and a smooth operator...please cross it!!! Meanwhile, I'm out!!