Wednesday, May 26, 2010

When I'm loving you, loving you, loving you....

...why would you wanna break up?

The answer to that is simple...because sometimes you just have to..Sometimes the things that we want are not the things that we ought have.  Sometimes that thing we work so hard to hold on to is the very thing that is killing us softly from the inside out.  For the first time I have had to let something go that I wanted very badly for the sake of something that was much more important. And you know what, I am doing okay.  For the last four months, I have loved, laughed, and lived like I never have before.  I believe that the relationship that I was in, regardless of the outcome, was a necessary part of my growth, my maturity and my future.  I learned things about me, about life and about love that I never knew before and for that I am grateful.

Today I have no anecdotes or answers.  No cool quotes or charismatic rhetoric.  I put my heart on the line and it was broken for a moment but when I looked at it closely I realized that the breaking was only external.  I see that even in the midst of the brokenness, my heart had been given a chance to grow larger and the blood has been flowing better ever since.

There are so many things that I wish I could say but I will not, what's done is done.  But in closing, I will say this.  If you have never known what it is like to love with everything, to put caution to the wind and be completely naked and vulnerable with someone.  I highly recommend it.  The dissolution of this chapter in my life will not change the way I love nor will it change my approach to relationships.  I still believe that you get what you give, so I love hard so that I can live easy..But most importantly I still believe in love--real love, good love, strong love, reciprocated love, patient, unfailing, unconditional, never knew a love like this before love!! And because of that, I still believe that true love exists and is available to those that desire it, I still believe that people can be trusted and that I deserve greatness.

So today I say goodbye, not to love but to the past.  I love you and I am grateful that I had the opportunity to experience you.  I have no regrets and looking out across the horizon, I still see the sun regardless of the clouds and I know that we both will be fine.  We have chosen to walk away not because things were bad, but because we loved each other enough to value something greater than our selfish desires and to me there is no greater love.  I look forward to the transition that is already taking place in our relationship and I gladly accept and reciprocate your friendship.  For everything there is a season--ours has changed..but just as the spring rain brings summer flowers, I hope that the tears and the temporary hurt of yesterday become the water for our tomorrows..

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